Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition

ABC has been airing new episodes of Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition. This show is so inspirational to someone with a significant amount of weight to lose. Probably to more people that that, actually.

Before my own journey, watching this show filled me with longing, jealousy and a small measure of inspiration. Now, when I'm going through my own similar situation, knowing that I'm making progress, all I feel is inspiration. I could feel longing that I'm not as far along as these people; I could feel jealous that they have a full-time trainer and some serious rewards (cars, trips, surgeries). However, I don't really feel those emotions this time. Why is this?

Clearly, the difference is action. When you act toward something, it changes your mindset - hopefully - from being on the outside of some unattainable dream to being in the midst of that change. It occurred to me tonight that the best way to banish negative feelings is simply to act - in any way, big or small - in the opposite direction.

In tonight's episode, Ashley won a trip to Hawaii about 2/3 of the way to her goal. She had to take a 15 mile hike up to the crater of a volcano. At the end of that hike, her trainer surprised her with another challenge - to zipline down the mountain. This reminded me of my ziplining experience in Costa Rica.

Now, I'm fairly afraid of heights and loss of control, but I'd made up my mind before my trip that I was going to do it. I wasn't going to back out. So, we traveled into the rain forest, strapped on those lady-part smashing harnesses, put on our helmets, and we walked up to the first platform. What I soon realized is that I would have to jump up toward the cable while one of the operators quickly snapped my hanger into the clip that secures us to the cable.

Here's a secret - big girls don't like to jump. Much less when in the presence of strangers, some of them cute young Costa Rican men. When the operator threw his knee under my ass to give me an extra boost...well that was just down-right humiliating.

So, surprisingly, I discovered that ziplining is pretty awesome. I also discovered that I had very little fear actually zipping down that line - all thrill, no fear. Wanna know what my fear was? Every time we got to another transition platform, I was practically terrified of the jump up, rump boost, clip on procedure, wondering, "Will I get close enough to the line for him to be able to snap me in? Or will we have to do it again and again until my jump and his hoist come together in a perfectly-timed combination?" Uno, Dos, TRES! Uno, Dos, TRES!

How ridiculous is that? My weight is so unbelievably limiting, but it's clear my mind has been an equal co-conspirator in keeping me from acting and doing...living. Time to knock that shit off.